Tools for Making a Positive Difference I

Welcome to lesson two of making a difference. This is the first of three lessons where we will look at the getting closer framework. And in the this first one, we will look at the C and the l have closer stats communication and congruence and likeability and then non judgmental attitude. And then in lesson three and four, we will look at the other elements of getting closer. So, starting with communication and congruence, then we learn to communicate from an early age and we don’t develop some pretty impressive skills, just watch two or more people communicating. And you will soon see just I’ve skilled an activity it is if you think about it, so many recognized skills are at root communication skills. Think about great actors and the skills that they have. They’re basically communication skills. Think about comedians and the skills that they have the ability they have to make us laugh. Again, communication skills, think about education, training and development, these skills underpinning all of that activity, these skills are communication skills, and love them or hate them. Politicians also rely very heavily on communication skills. A politician who’s not able to communicate effectively wouldn’t get very far in their political life. And then, of course, all sorts of helping professions in terms of health care, social care, a range of helping professions, where so much depends on communication skills, then there is the commercial world, the retail world and so on, where, again, the ability to communicate effectively is so important. So when it comes to making a difference, then clearly, we have to have our act together when it comes to communication. But, and this is a big, but if most if not all cases where communication works best. It’s where the individuals concerned, have taken their communication skills to a more advanced level. So despite the fact that we learn to communicate from a very early age from more or less when we’re born, we learn those basic skills. But if we want to be really effective in terms of making a difference, we have to think about taking those skills to a more advanced level, to be able to communicate in ways that in a sense, go above and beyond just everyday communication. Consider comic timing, for example, you know, I’ve already mentioned that the skills that comedians use are by and large communication skills. But part of that is around timing of getting it just right in terms of making a funny comment in terms of delivering the punch line, or whatever it might be. So when it comes to influencing skills, it’s also a case of being able to take them to a more advanced level. In order to get the best results. Consider the use of nonverbal communication for example. Now, nonverbal communication or NVC for short, is part and parcel of influencing people, the impact we have on people through our body language, for example, is considerable. And also our ability to pick up cues from other people’s body language will stand us in really good stead in trying to influence a situation in a positive direction. Now, we learn communication skills from an early age I’ve already said and that includes NVC, it includes nonverbal communication, that we learn how to pick up signals from other people, we learn how to use our own body language to fairly good effect. But when it comes to making as positive a difference as we can, when it comes to developing our influencing skills, then what we need to look at is taking those skills to a more advanced level, looking carefully at what’s involved and learning from the example of others. For example, looking at how people are really good communicators, how they are using 10 on verbal communication to do that. Now, this is where the issue of congruence comes in because What it is important for us to be fully aware of is that nonverbal communication is very powerful. It’s more powerful than verbal communication. So for example, if you say one thing, but your body language says something different, it’s what your body language says that will be heard will be received, as it were, by the person or persons you’re communicating with. So the idea of congruence is you need to make things fit. It’s no good your what you say, or the tone of voice that you use, when you’re saying it, or your body language, contradicting one another, that won’t help at all you need to make sure that there is this congruence, there is this sort of harmony, if you like, in terms of what you say, and how you say it, because people are very sensitive to these things are very quickly pick up on any lack of congruence. So in a nutshell, worried about his influencing skills, we need to understand to a large extent communication skills. And it is helpful to think in terms of taking those communication skills above and beyond the level you will already have achieved just as a human being, take those skills to a more advanced level, a more professional level, if you like. And part of that will be watching how other people do that how other people use NBC, for example, to a much higher level than everyday skills. And we also have to make sure that all this is congruent, that the different messages that we are putting across are in harmony that they don’t conflict with one another. So that’s the see of the closer framework. Let’s now have a look at the URL. And that’s about likability and a non judgmental attitude. When it comes to influencing skills, being liked, or not liked is a key factor. People will of course pay more attention to people they like. We’ll listen more attentively to people we like. We’re therefore more open to being influenced by them. being liked and being likeable is a big topic and one that’s worthy of a course in its own right. But for now, I just like to emphasize the important point that anything we do that makes us less likeable, will also make us less influential, it will make it harder for us to make a positive difference. So we need to be alert to what people are likely to find likable or unlikable in us, and steer clear of the latter as far as possible. So what things are people likely to find likable about us? What things are they likely to, or possibly good to find unlikable, try and influence those, and that will stand us in good stead. Now, one thing that can make us come across as distinctly unlikable, is being judgmental. We all have our own stories, our own life challenges, things that have boosted us and things that have dragged us down. Making value judgments about people without knowing their story and their challenges is both unfair and unhelpful. For example, someone who has had a deprived childhood landed up in prison. But despite these setbacks, has managed to become a decent and caring human being may mean that they are worthy of considerable respect and even admiration. But they actually face a lot of prejudice as an ex con. Well, while on the other hand, someone’s had a privileged upbringing, faced few challenges and has become a self centered, ambition driven opportunist may actually be looked upon more positively in society. So we have to be careful about making judgments about people, when we don’t know the full story. If we don’t know people’s stories, we should not judge them. It’ll make us far more likable if we want to find out what those story stories are, rather than making value judgments that are likely to make us less likeable. So that’s the URL of the closer framework, communication and congruence is see likeability and a non judgmental mental attitude is L. hope this is helpful. And I look forward to seeing you in lesson three, where we will look at the O and s of closer framework. Thank you.