Part 1: Discovering the Essence and Importance of Self-Esteem

Hi, it’s me Dr. Carla Marie manly clinical psychologist, welcome to Part One of your self esteem growth course I am so excited to be a guide for you on your journey. So let’s look at what self esteem is and what it isn’t right. So let’s start with what it isn’t self esteem is not the same thing as self confidence. Self Confidence is, even though the terms are often used interchangeably. Self Confidence is really based on, on skills on attributes that are maybe God given something that you the way that you look at talent you have. So that’s what self confidence is based on self confidence is based on maybe a physical attribute, maybe possession That you have maybe skills that you are, you know, just naturally good at or things that you have cultivated over time. So the interesting thing about self confidence is we can be really self confident in certain discreet areas. However, self confidence isn’t as permanent. It is not as through and through the individual as his self esteem. Here’s the other piece about self confidence, self confidence can wax and wane. So if you are very confident in let’s say, your soccer abilities, and you’re out playing you do really well, you may feel really confident in your soccer skills. But then if you go through a bad patch or you have an injury, then your self confidence might plummet. Because you’re not playing soccer anymore. You’re not you’re not doing that. And it’s the same another good example is looks. So for somebody who really prides themselves on their looks and being a certain way in a certain manner tone, right? They may be really confident, but if they notice that they’re getting wrinkles or their hair is, you know not right or they’re gaining weight, that self confidence based upon the looks can really plummet. And so you can see how self confidence is nice. It’s nice to be competent in certain areas and a nice humble way. But to rely on self confidence is not really what we want to do because it fluctuates because we are more than what our abilities are, we are more than our skills we are more than how we look. And so that’s why self confidence tends to be like a nice cherry on the cake, but it isn’t the cake itself. We want that nice solid, you know, cake that has been really created with intention so that you know are strong from the inside out. test two, what is self esteem? self esteem is the quality of a steaming oneself, of holding oneself in high regard. And so the reason that’s important is because if I hold myself in high regard, if I know that I’m a good person, and I really like who I am, and I accept that I’m imperfect, but that I’m constantly striving to be a better person, then I’m really focused on my internal world I’m really focused on something that’s far more permanent, far last, you know, fragile than maybe me liking you know, how much I weigh or liking my yoga ability, right? So self esteem is the end it’s so much more permanent because if we continue to work on our self esteem throughout life, we grow this lovely inner core. But as looks change, and maybe abilities are taken away from us due to an accident or some you know, an aging issue or Something that keeps us from doing what we want to do what we really like to do. Maybe we are really, really proud of our ability to be a good employee or a good boss, but then we are let go or our business has to close for a reason. Oh, that is what my self, you know, confidence, self confidence what I’m basing my life on, I will be in some seriously hot water, because all of a sudden, I’ll be looking around and saying, Oh, I don’t have any purpose. I don’t have any meaning Who am I? What am I without this side, right? self esteem tends to allow us to really get through times like that, because we have worked on the inner core. So self esteem, think of it as core Think of it as that strong sense that you have created throughout life and that is another important piece of self esteem. Unlike physical characteristics, where some people are just you know, born with a very athletic bodies style or, or a certain height that might be, you know, prized by society. The lovely part about self esteem, which is different from self confidence and attributes that we’re just born with are naturally good at self esteem is something none of us are given. Right? We are all born a blank, a blank slate. And some of us do have an easier time cultivating self esteem if we happen to have a good childhood environment and parents who really taught us in a balanced way to embrace our strengths, and to work on our weaknesses. And so maybe for some people they learned early on in life, just naturally how to cultivate self esteem. But for many people, childhood environments, or friendships or school relationships, or you know, later romantic relationships really gave their self esteem, a blow or many blows, and when that happens, we might just Stop at some point in life and go, Whoa, I don’t know who I am or I don’t know who I am. But I feel like a shell of who I am or not very strong or maybe I’m overly strong because I’m so defended. And, you know, I’m afraid of being vulnerable, I’m afraid of, you know, really connecting with other people because my inner core is so, so hurt, right? So that’s what we want to look at when we’re working on self esteem. It’s just stepping back in a very kind, compassionate way. And realizing that self esteem is something that we can all grow, we can all nurture it. And so again, like self confidence, which is really relies a lot on the gifts that you have, or we’re, you know, born with, self esteem is something we can all work on. We can all create it. And once you become aware of the power of self esteem, some That’s really hard to forget about. Because that we come to know we can’t not know very easily. And so once we learn the power of self esteem and say, Wow, this is a quality that I really thirst for I really need in my life, then we’re at the place where we’re ready to get into the staff are really ready then to work on creating a better self from the inside out. And it doesn’t matter how much you know, past trauma you have, you may be feeling like really low on self esteem. But the steps are the same, you might have more work ahead of you and more reprogramming ahead of you. But it is doable, it is doable. And so I really encourage you throughout this entire process, to be really patient with yourself really kind with yourself very non judgmental with yourself, because we all have to start from somewhere and it’s more important that we start Start from somewhere, wherever that is, and to not start at all. So that is our first segment on self esteem. And you know, just, that’s like a really big nugget that I want you to take with you from this segment is what self esteem is, what self confidence is, how they’re different, how they intersect, and then take a look at why you would want strong self esteem. You know why go to this self works. And the reason is, because it will prove to really help you in every area of your life. Because when you work in try personally within yourself, you come to know yourself better, you come to love yourself better, you come to be kinder and more compassionate, more color and more patient with yourself. And that also ends up turning out on to other people and helps you be kinder, more compassionate, more tolerant without So it’s a win win that way. self esteem, strong self esteem will also help you in every relationship in your life. So whether you’re having difficulties with a romantic relationship with friendships, with family dynamics with somebody at work, feeling safe in social settings, whatever it is, the more you grow and you grow your self esteem. The more you work on it, the more you’ll feel calm and competent in your relationships. Right? You won’t feel like you either need to be a really unique mouse and hold back. You also won’t need feel the need to come out and you know, are people like a tiger right and be really aggressive. And so it’s a win win in relationships. It’s also a win for you when it comes to career. When it comes to your life dreams. When it comes to volunteering whatever is important to you in your life. When you have strong self esteem You will find that you are more aware of your passions in life of what works for you and what doesn’t work for you of what you want to be doing with the minutes and, you know, hours in your day. So it helps you that way also helps you obviously, it’s obvious to me with both physical and mental health, because when you have strong self esteem, you’re not using substances in order to feel at ease or to feel better about yourself. If you have strong self esteem, you’re not engaging in comfort eating in order to feel better about yourself. You’re not overspending or overworking, or, you know, under spending or under working you’re you’re more balanced, strong self esteem will help you find greater balance in your life in all areas. And so, of course strong self esteem if you haven’t made it clear enough. It will help you throughout all of your life because self esteem It is truly the foundation of who we are in our ability to be comfortable in our own skin. And that’s why the journey starts. Okay. So you’ll find that now your work is to look at worksheet number one. And as you make it through worksheet number one, you’ll find that I’m asking you to do a lot of self reflection to do to begin to work with personal insights. And some of the work you may find very, very easy. Some of it may feel more challenging to you. But whatever the work that you’re doing, always make sure that you’re in a mental physical state where you feel ready for the work for the self work. So make sure that your environment is calm, that you’re not distracted that you can really let go and dive into the work. Also, make sure that you’re not judgmental with yourself, that you really taking care of yourself and being kind and compassionate as you move through each piece of the work. You also want to know that new type, of course, is a replacement. For those who really would benefit from professional support, whether it’s with a clinical psychologist or a psychiatrist or, you know, a mentor, you can really be there for you. So don’t hesitate if something ever gets too challenging or too much for you to reach out for the support that you deserve. And of course, if some sort of emergency arises, then you know what to do call 911 and get immediate support. And so the other piece I really want to encourage you to do, and you’ll see all of these at the top of your worksheet is to really strive to progress at depth at a rate that feels right to you. So in this worksheet, you know, you’ll find exercises and if they feel good to them, if they don’t feel like you’re ready for them yet. Don’t do them. You could always circle back and do the layout or skip them altogether. And so I’ll give you a brief review of the worksheet that I really, the most important thing is that you’re ready for change, right? When you grow self esteem, your life will begin to change. Some people may not really appreciate that you’re getting stronger, they might like you being very people pleasing or, you know, being codependent, or whatever it is, right. So as you change hold on to your truth, hold on to what is right for you. Because truly when you are tuned in to you and your moral compass and what is right for you, then you’ll be moving through a world in a way that cannot hurt others because when we really tuned into our compass into being good, kind, compassionate people, any changes that we make, even though they might cause ripples for others, others might not like that we’re changing for the better. And that’s okay. What we want to do is to stay on our journey. So Step one, and I won’t guide you through every element, I don’t want to take the fun way for you. But you’ll first focus on your self confidence and those elements in life that give you self confidence. And then the next thing you’ll do is focus on yourself, Steve. And so you’ll also be focusing on your self esteem, beliefs about what you believe self esteem is, in your words, how it affects your life. And then the last piece of this is you will be evaluating your self esteem and you’ll be evaluating it with love. And again, he’s really going to stress that part about this course, never want you to check yourself. So anything that you’re doing, whether you’re looking at your strengths or your weaknesses, or otherwise, it’s not about judging yourself, it’s about gathering information. That’s all it is. You’re gathering information. And here’s the big tip. The purpose of what we’re doing is to help you Notice what’s going on. So you can do more of that, which makes you feel truly strong and powerful from your core. Unless of that, which does not. It’s really that simple. And I understand that you need some guidance along the way, and I’m here for that I’m here to support you. But remember, if we really slow it down, that’s what it’s all about. slowing your life and your thoughts and your feelings down. To say, this feels good for me, this is right for me, this is true for me. Let me figure out what that is. Be very clear on that. And then let me take take steps to do more of that in life. And then the second part will be noticing things that don’t feel right. And say, Oh, this doesn’t feel right. So I either want to really decrease this in my life, or I want to get stronger in this area so that this weak area is not so harm inducing for me, right? So that’s the journey that you’re about to embark on. And so again, be patient with yourself, be kind with yourself. And you will see that with practice, patience and perseverance, you will before you know it, begin to make changes that will help you feel better about you that will help you feel really happy with this skin that you’re in. And so you’ll also be doing some self care work. And that’ll be a fun part of segment one. And I think that’s a wonderful way to close and reminding you of my two books here. Lovely, lovely handbook. And this is just my baby and I just so believe in it’s life changing powers, and eating joyfully. So I look forward to seeing you very soon for segment two. And remember, there’s no race here, you need to get to segment two very quickly. This is about you proceeding at a rate that feels right to you. And that’s it. A piece of self esteems really learning to move at your pace to move at the pace that allows you to breathe allows you to integrate information. And that allows you to make steady, slow changes. That’s what we want steady, slow changes that will allow you to grow and nurture stronger self esteem. And so I thank you for being with me. I am just so happy that you’re on this journey. And I look forward to seeing you again very soon for segment two. for part two on growing strong self esteem. Take good care and according to see you soon bye.